Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
