My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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