So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
