he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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