How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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