I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
