I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
