your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
