But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
