Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
