Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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