Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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