I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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