he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
