I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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