Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
