I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
