You're so nebulous sometimes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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