Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize