Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize