Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize