Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
