Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
