The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
