I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
