That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
