Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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