Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
