i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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