I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
