i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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