In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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