The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this hospital has no fireball
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
