did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
