If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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