the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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