i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
