Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
