At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
