thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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