bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
