why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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