dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
