Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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