I'm pants shitting drunk right now
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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