For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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