Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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