ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
