After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
