How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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