Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
not ubering you a puppy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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