im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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