OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
