I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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