Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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