Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize