At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
