Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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