i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
