My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
