Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
