so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize