remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
