I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize