4 words: hood of his car
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My bed smells like the plague
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
