She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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