the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
