can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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