dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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