We named our party play list daddy issues
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
