wakey wakey hands off snakey
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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