If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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